An attempt at giving relationship advice

Ever since I got married, some people have asked me for relationship advice and I’m like.

..

via GIPHY

I’ts really difficult giving relationship advice because everyone is different and every relationship is unique. So let me warn you beforehand… I’m that friend that’ll ask you to dump him if he’s not meeting up. Yup!

That’s me.

well… I would only do that If I’m asked for my opinion, especially If I truly care about you.

So yea…get ready for realness in this post…

There are numerous tips for a successful relationship most of which should be tailored to suit specific individuals.However, there a some general tips that apply in every relationship and I’ll be sharing just one in this post which is….

DON’T SETTLE

Don’t ever settle.

My hubby encourages me to be my best self. He upholds me spiritually and supports all that I’m involved in. He is selfless and his integrity is inspiring. These are just a few qualities in him that I admire. These qualities are very, very important to me.

Like I said, to me.

Those qualities may not be important to you.

In fact, they may be boring to you.

And that’s okay because we are all different, as long as you know what values are important to you in a relationship and ensure you stick to them.

If you’re looking for a “turnt bae” or a socially accepted person or an Instagram- picture – perfect person, that’s totally up to you. LOL I just had to say “Instagram- picture – perfect” because Instagram (and social media in general has deluded a lot of people… ME INCLUDED. I’ve been in love with a certain couple on Instagram for a while now, I followed up with their wedding and I was genuinely excited for them only for the lady to leave him after a short period of being married saying “she no wan do again” That she had been depressed severally even before the wedding because of him…

I was soo sad and disturbed (you would even think I actually know them personally. but don’ LOL) because I just could not understand why she went ahead to say yes to him when she knew for a fact that he didn’t make her happy before the wedding.

So as a young wife (June makes it 6 months! yay) I would encourage anyone reading this (well..except you’re already married), to never settle for less especially regarding moral values (Honesty,Integrity, Sincerity, Considerate, Respectful, Compassion, Forgiving and many more). Moral values are what the relationship is built on. Its the foundation of that relationship and you really can’t afford to compromise.

There’s a funny quote that says,

“I’m very easily satisfied, I’m always content with the best.”

Basically, If you’re not in a relationship thats the BEST for YOU, then leave.

Also, by the way, I’ve been there. I’ve definitely been with guys who were not meeting up… Trust me. One was angry every second and was controlling too (at least to me) & another one was just indecisive. Pretty much, I made a very conscious decision to leave each relationship because those qualities didn’t fly with me. (with me)

Sola’s thoughts:

After reading my post, my husband had some contributions to make:

It’s important to remember that marriage is two complete people coming together not “two incomplete people coming together to be complete” and yes we can be complete, Colossians 2:10 says “…and you have been made complete in Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority”

So while you are not settling on the values you expect from your partner, you should also not settle on yourself. Be the best version of yourself, keep improving daily and be everything you want to see in your partner. Don’t wait for anyone to complete you, you will naturally attract the best if you put in the best

Point: simply don’t settle for anything less than you believe you deserve. At the end of the day, your partner is a reflection of YOU.

Choose wisely.

P.S. I’d love to know what you guys think makes a marriage/relationship unique? And a step further: what advice can you recommend to someone in a negative relationship?

Spillllllllll.

xoxo

Dupe

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Wedding photography by Tunde Adewole

21 Comments
  1. Very nice , you need to create sholas corner too cus the write up makes a lot of deep sense.
    Communication is the key in every relationship , I personally don’t like discussing or putting my business out there( social media) that makes it unique for me tho.
    Anyone in a negative relationship, I know it’s hard but you have to find the right person to talk to . Sometimes strangers give the best advice with no sentiments attached, look for a spiritual leader outside your denomination and be expressive . Finally I repeat leave it, nothing toxic should be endured or managed.

  2. What makes a relationship unique is when you can sleep well at night and can always predict where your partner is or what your partner is doing.So communications,honesty and loyalty is the key to a unique relationship.

  3. Hmmmm….. that’s a real deep sigh I just made. Somehow I seem not to really understand myself when it comes to relationships . It can be quite difficult -too because I wouldn’t really understand how not to be too controlling or demanding since my emotions are not steady. Lol. Anyway I’m growing to understand how my emotions work so that I will be able to understand my spouse better too. I just found out not quite long that though it’s challenging but at the same time it’s exciting… I actually look forward getting married at the perfect time😁. God always got me. Thanks Dupe for sharing…-

    1. I think it’s great that you admit there’s something critical you need to work on, rather than be in denial. I pray God will guide you through this journey.

  4. Yaaay! Love this post! Lol. I personally don’t think negative people should be in relationships because that signifies something important is lacking – completeness, as your husband said. And too many times, happy positive people become toxic, dark and negative because of the person they are with. It’s something I’ve personally experienced and I’m actively turning down whoever is not the BEST FOR ME.

  5. This has to be the best piece you’ve written (and you write amazing stuff).
    you also need to give hubby a section on your blog oh, you guys make an amazing team

  6. Advice for people in negative relationships,
    First of all, don’t keep quiet. Communicate. Tell him or her what they’re wrong.
    If no adjustments are made, then leave. Don’t suffer yourself just to keep someone smiling, especially if you’re not married yet.
    Don’t stay stuck under a rain cloud while your sunshine is out there somewhere waiting for you.
    You’re not stuck

  7. Hi Dupe!!
    Well, I can say I understand what you are saying and I just started seeing stuff like that.
    I’ve been in relationships before the one I’m in now but I’ve bever been as convinced as I am now that I have exactly what I want. In the past, I’ve settled for less and just managed what was presented to me cos I felt if they could have me, I should be willing to make sacrifices for them. Thank God for maturity tho.
    The Lord truly is our strength

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